Further up and further in.

The last few days have been crazy, nevermind the previous weeks, months and even years.

We’re headed to Mexico right now for a more integrative and progressive new cancer-killing treatment which I’m hopeful and confident will mark a massive change in my battle against this absolutely shitty disease.

Has it been agony? Undeniably.

Have I gained from it? Without a doubt.

There’s tons to unpack, so I’ll just scrape one slice of the surface this time.

A lot of amazing, loving and generous people have rallied beside and behind me, with both encouragement and affirmation. The shouts of encouragement been touching and humbling, but the affirmation often comes in people’s own lives being inspired, touched, impacted and even grown through connecting with our journey, and that is just incredible.

The thing that I’ve only now begun to reflect on, is how far I’ve travelled along in this storm. It’s never quite dawned for some reason - but I think I know why now.

I’ve heard many comments on how their difficulty doesn’t compare to what I’m going through, and it can almost negate or diminish the weight under which they’re sitting. As if they’re pressure is less profound because it’s not as painful.

I really wanted to just love you back and say don’t do that. Absolutely, it’s great to keep perspective by reflecting on whether our strife is actually as dire as it seems right at that point - that’s healthy; but the notion that your pain is less painful because it’s not as “bad”, that’s just wrong. Your TRAUMA is still trauma, regardless of how much you’re bleeding.

It doesn’t matter if you’re drowning in an ocean or a puddle, you still can’t breathe.

I had no idea how much “trauma” I’ve been able to endure and go through, and it’s not even until now that I can look at the long journey and be amazed, grateful and humbled that God has brought me through it all - both by giving strength to, and seeing strength in me.

The other big thing eye opener I’ve just had (through incredibly kind words from Chelsea) is the sheer overwhelming amount of things I’ve not just overcome, but also achieved or done, while fighting these huge obstacles.

I’m not going to list all the milestones, but it’s surprising even to myself when I reflect.

The interesting thing is when ppl, myself included, look at how far I’ve journeyed while fighting these crushing winds, they don’t know how I’ve done it or how I could have kept going to go SO FAR. Of course the easy (and not very helpful) answer is God. He’s the ONLY way - for sure! But the longer answer is just ‘one step at a time’. I don’t think I’d have the courage, determination or stupidity to think i could do everything I’ve done in the last 3 years, against the force of all the beatings that I’ve had to take, but thankfully I didn’t know that much. I didn’t have to fight for a mile, I just had to fight for one more step - that’s it.

One hard hit, handled with gratitude.

One piece of crushing news, tackled with faith.

One crushing defeat, dealt with through hope.

One major break, touched maybe only a little through love.

I’ve been humbled so much to have gone “through” so much difficulty and see awe-inspiring beauty, and also receive overwhelming freedom and healing as a greater reward. I want that for EVERYONE I know who is struggling (and we almost all are struggling in some way), so I desperately want to encourage and share this insight I’ve learned.

I have no 5 step program, but I hope what I’ve walked, may in some way give you a little more illumination on our dark but glorious walk further up and further in. Posted on Facebook Nov 25