Something happened this week that I wasn’t able to fully process in the moment. It sent me over the edge emotionally and I ended up locking myself in a hospital bathroom, nearly hyperventilating while trying to hold in my tears. As I highly emotional person, I’ve become quite good at keeping my head in the game. Separating my emotions from the moment and almost floating above myself to see the situation from another perspective - But this got me...
I was sitting in the hospital dining room waiting to pick up Josh’s breakfast. A few tables away was a woman in a hospital gown receiving her IV therapy, beside her sat the sweetest little girl. A big white bow held up her long, curly, blonde hair. The little girl was kneeling on a chair to reach the table, where she played with stickers and dolls.
Suddenly I heard a crash and looked over to see the little girl on the floor beside her toppled chair. As the chair fell, it knocked over the IV stand, ripping the line out of the woman’s arm. IV liquid started to spill out of the bag, the machine began beeping really loudly and the little girl started crying, in her sweet voice she said ‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I was trying to push my chair out. I’m sorry!’.
I jumped up and ran over to pick up the IV stand and see if the woman was okay. I gave the girl a big smile and said ‘It’s okay! Don’t worry sweetheart...is your knee okay?’. I sprinted across the dining room up a flight of stairs to get a nurse.
Everything was totally fine and nobody was hurt. The nurse asked the woman to come up to the second floor to finish her treatment. I watched as this tiny little angel wiped her tears, feeling so awful that she caused such a commotion. She tightly held the woman’s hand and together they wheeled the IV stand out of the dining room, leaving their games and toys behind.
I couldn’t breathe. I still can’t breathe thinking about it. CANCER SUCKS SO MUCH!!!! You can’t prepare for it and it pulls the rug out from under you so fast it knocks the wind out of your lungs. It doesn’t just affect the patient, it affects everyone in their life. Tiny little girls have to play with stickers and dolls on a hospital dining room table because they’re a part of someone’s story. There are certain moments you can’t erase from memory. That little face is one of those moments for me. It’s not even about the actual incident - it’s about ALL THE THINGS it represents.
When someone asks me how I’m doing. I say I’m good (because it’s true) but it’s really “I’m good.. BUT ALL THE THINGS!!!!!”
Published on Facebook on December 17th, 2020.
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