It’s been a good few days since the reality of my diagnosis first hit us. Add that to excitement and pressure of being pregnant with our first child, during a health pandemic in an economic recession, and it’s quite an emotional yo-yo.
I really wanted to share something that we’ve been walking through though. There have absolutely been some incredibly dark days. Days when Chelsea and I take turns at lifting the other one up coz the emotions seemed to have switched the leg muscles off. Days when when I just don’t FEEL like explaining how I’m “doing” to another concerned person. Days when praying feels as futile as “knocking on wood”. But those days are like waves that are approaching - we know they’re coming, and (as a very wise friend recently told me) we need to give them permission to hit us and wash over us but, like every wave, it WILL dissipate. It WILL fade. It WILL get better... eventually.
The thing that has definitely been a challenge is understanding the waves. I’ve sometimes not wanted to spend any time feeling down or sorry for myself but that’s all a part of the healing.
Being still is SUCH an vital part of moving forward.
I am so thankful for the people who have just come and sat with me in the dark and cried with me until i felt it was time to get up.
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