I stand at the edge of the storm, waiting for it to hit me. Though I don’t know for sure what I’m in for, it’s the uncertainty that is more tiring than the fight itself, so I’m bracing myself for the worst - while genuinely praying for the best. Here’s what I do know though, i know that I’m confused and frustrated at this point in my journey. I thought I was done with this battle of bullshit. I felt the fight was over and we’d been through our valley and grown a ton through, praising God and finding tons of blessings. I really believed we were onto a new season of fruit and harvest with my film, our puppy, and now our new baby.
And then this.
Having lead a pretty clean life, eating consciously, exercising regularly, and not abusing my health, to be hit with sickness again and again is one big joke.
All that being said, here I am. So the question I want to ask is “why”? But the question I find myself asking is “what”? What now? What do we do? And more importantly, “what do you want from me God?” This is no cruel test of God - I know that. I’ve been through too much in life to be naive enough to think He either doesn’t exist or is a bastard who doesn’t love me. But I do find myself asking “what do you want from me?” What am I here for? What am I going to find on this ride? What are you going to show me? What can I do for you?
It sucks. It’s frikken hard. But it’s all I can do that moves me forward.
You can sit in the shit, just can’t lie down in it.
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